Living with people who are not 'your people'

Posted 1 year ago

Living with strangers can be one of the hardest parts of uni

Living with new people, in a new environment and different personalities will inevitably cause challenges while living in Halls.

Accepting that your flatmates might not become your friends

When it comes to living in Halls, you'll be grouped with other students who might be from completely different backgrounds who have entirely different interests to you. You might have different lifestyles, beliefs and expectations on what's reasonable and what's not.

Before coming to uni, you might think that your new flatmates will automatically become your new best friends but that's not always the case and that's ok. Try not to panic if you start to feel this way, stay open minded to the idea that your flatmates are just flatmates rather than besties.

Often the best friends you will make at university are the ones you would least expect. Someone may take you by surprise and you might just end up with a diverse friendship group from all over the world. Give it a chance!

Stop saying "they just aren't my people"

First of all, try not to reject people because they're different. You may have grown up with the same group of friends throughout your adolescence, but as your enter adulthood, now is the time to learn that not everyone will have the same interests as you and come from the same place. Instead of rejecting these differences, encourage them!

A large part of university is learning about different peoples lives, backgrounds and cultures. Take it as an opportunity to learn more about different people and the culture they grew up in. You might be surprised who you get along with when you take a chance and talk to them. Just because someone doesn't look or act like your friends from home, doesn't mean they are not best friend material. 

Remember it's a relatively short period of time in your university journey

If you have tried to get to know them and you just don't click then that's ok. Rather than seeing it as a disappointment, try to consider that this is just a part of your university story. Not finding connections in your own flat may push you to go elsewhere, speak to your neighbours, try a new society or sports club (something you might not do if you get comfortable in your own flat).

However, you still have to live with them for a year. The best way to approach this situation is to always be polite and friendly to your flatmates. The last thing you want is to be caught gossiping about them and causing arguments within the flat. It's only a year so try to get out of the experience as much as you can.

It's never too late to try an activity as a flat

It is important to make an effort to get to know your flat through outings, you could have a picnic in the park, explore the campus, go for a group dinner, or a trip to the pub. This can be a great way to find out more about them and socialise in an environment outside your student flat. Even if you're a few months into living with each other and hardly know each other, then don't rule out a flat activity. In fact, this is even more reason to suggest a coffee or walk around the park.

Sometimes all you need is fresh air and fun activities to see a different side to someone. Remember, student halls are supposed to be fun!

Make friends with other flats

Student halls are a large part of first year. However, this is not limited to your flat. Go and meet the flat opposite or above you and widen your social circle! It can be nice to have friends in your student halls, without living in the same flat as them.

You never know, multiple flats in your block may get along and before you know it you have loads of friends around you. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet someone you really get along with! Try a Halls Life event, craft night, Give it a Go trip, you never know who you might get chatting to from your Hall.

If in doubt, go to different events

If your student halls haven't gone to plan, there are plenty of other ways to make friends. Go to as many events as possible, there will be loads to go to. Or, you just talk to people in lectures and seminars to make friends with similar interests to you. You will be studying alongside these people for three years, it can't hurt to get to know them!

Try to remain open-minded and give your flatmates a chance. If you're really struggling, speak to your Accommodation team who will try to help the best they can. 

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